For the holidays, I wanna sex.

This post has nothing to do with the title.
Anyway, I think I got internet addiction. Come online, switch on msn, check mail, check ivle, check blog, check sgforums, repeat and repeat. I realise that I'm quite good at google-stalking people also. If I really want to find someone I will hunt down all sort of leads on that person, use a series of combinations of keywords e.g. school, the person's friends, cca, blah blah. Friendster also damn good. Link here link there. Sometimes I really strike gold, wah the feeling damn song4. Song not as in find the person's picture liao then can the monitor, but rather the thrill in digging out difficult-to-find info. Hey, if you ever need help to find someone, hire me, thanks.

I guess last time got games to get addicted to. When no game then do this. Whenever I come 4o blog i just hoping, just hoping that the post i see at the top is not mine, and not a link. Hopefully is someone posting his own thoughts and feelings, I love readng those shit. Hope got some post that I can read, hope got someone tell story, hope got someone say something, ANYTHING! about himself. About his day. Whatever. Yah, I need to get a life.

---------------------------------------------------

Anyway, what I want to talk about for today is...Christianity. Yah, again. Sorry. Ad nauseum. It's my secret wish to convert Christians to free-thinker, heh heh. Ok, so it begins like this: One day in school I was chatting with my friend, talking about future plans and ambitions etc. After awhile he stopped and asked, "Have you ever wondered what life on earth is about? Is there some greater meaning to all about it?" Yah I have thought about it before and my motto in life is just to have as much fun as possible loh. Then talk talk talk the conversation veered to Christianity. Of course I asked my standard question I try to ask Christians, which is If God Is Really So All-Loving Why Does He Send Non-Believers To Hell (but that is not the topic of this post).

He say he dunno, but he explained how Christianity changed his life, talked abit more then welcomed me to his church activities to which I politely declined. The conversation was getting more than a little uncomfortable for me. After I walked off, I found myself quite surprised, together with some measure of fear. So I asked myself this, what is this discomfort that I am feeling? Where does it come from?

I thought about it for awhile, then I thought of this. Hmm...it's like this. For me it's like I believe I agar agar know what I want in life already, I believe I know what a meaningful life would constitute, and what I would do to be happy. And yet suddenly here comes along some person, and is not just some person, is a friend, who says that there is something greater, far far greater. The love for music, the love for scientific knowledge, the love for sweet girls, hopes, wishes, daydreams of galloping across the mongolian steppes blah blah...they are nothing. Nothing. Nothing compared to greatness of God. To me, that is what my friend was saying, just put in a nicer way. Wait. There is no sarcasm in my words, I swear. He is still my friend. I do not know how to sugarcoat these words, just the main point is that, nothing is greater than God. There is no meaning, without God.

And that is why I walked away, feeling somewhat belittled, somewhat surprised. Like my ego is completely trampled on. It's different when someone from the Church ding dong at your door and want to speak to you. When that guy ding dong with a bible in hand you are already prepared to rebut him. It's words coming from someone who you trust and treat as a friend. And no, he did not say those words to hurt or offend (not that I was), he said it with the best of intentions, because it is truly what he believes.

When I think about it, this is how I feel: that beliefs can seperate people. I mean yah it's like he is my friend, nice person and everything, but the very matter of religious beliefs alone...is like some uncrossable, infinitely deep chasm between two people. Can talk, can wave, and smile and chat, and share ideas, everything, except the belief in God. It's almost as if when I deny God, I deny the very meaning of their (Christians) existence, and in their acceptance of God, they deny me.

Not on purpose. It's not as simple as saying pui, Gillian Chung sucks, I like Charlene better. You can't shop for a religion, like choosing clothes or maybe choosing babes. The lives of Christians revolve around something that I refuse to accept. And that 'something' to me is everything to them.

I guess that is why it would be extremely difficult for a non-Christian to marry a Christian. I can't even say love overcomes all obstacles. I think the standard arguments against mixed religion marriages like: so what religion will the child take? what will you do on sundays? etc. do not even come close. Could you honestly love a girl who loves someone else infinitely more, and you do not share, or even understand that love?

Some psychology research points suggests that we befriend / like people who share similar beliefs. Like maybe when we were younger (or maybe sometimes still, today) you point to a girl and you say "Hey that girl damn chio right?" you would feel better if your friends say "Not bad lah" instead of "Yucks looks like shit". Some form of reinforcement I guess. The need for others to constantly validate our beliefs. I guess that is why some non-believers are quick to condemn for no valid reasons...must find some way to explain why other people hold opposite beliefs--e.g. they must be stupid/evil/crazy/blind. Etc. On the other hand, non-believers were victims of witchhunts, burning by the stake etc. during medieval ages. I used to secretly believe that Christians must be stupider and dumber than me, that's why they can believe in God. The differences in beliefs is something really profound, and dangerous, something I find rather fascinating. Hmm...so I think this is what real open-mindedness means? To really accept the fact that someone else believes in something that is mutually exclusive with your beliefs. I don't think I can reach that level of acceptance yet. It's much easier to think people are dumb.

Maybe, just maybe, this is what the late pope John Paul II held in his mind when he asked for racial tolerance, despite the exclusiveness of Christianity. After various conversations with Christians I think that no-one can claim to know exactly what their God is thinking, and you can't always take their word for it. I guess, maybe, possibly it will all work out in the end. The words on my t-shirt today say "A World Without Strangers". Yeah right. Gdnite zz..